Here's something I once wrote in a huff of cynicism and general gloomy-ness. It fortunately did not ever see print since the newspaper it was slated to appear in disappeared from the campus. (It has since returned, sans me.)Have you been paying attention to the computer industry lately? If you have, you know that the general feeling is that computers and the Internet can do anything.
Call me a cynic, but it's not like they're the greatest things since sliced bread.
For everything they can make computers do, there's something they can't.
Computers can check your spelling and grammar, but they can't write a paper for you.
They can answer the phone, but they can't talk back.
Computers can make you more productive without ever actually producing anything tangible.
No computer will probably ever be able to toast sliced bread or make french fries five different ways.They can't play frisbee.
Now don't get me wrong. Computers can do some great things-such as making presentations and papers much easier, teaching children new subjects, driving cars, and connecting people all over the world with the Internet. So what?
Speaking of the Internet, think for a moment of the ubiquitous 'www-dot-something-dot-com' and Clinton's pledge to connect all students to the Internet. It seems like these days the 'net is everywhere and everything is on it.
Or is it?
There's no cure for cancer on the Internet.
World peace is somewhere outside the realm of cyberspace.
Heck, there's hardly anything on the good effects of nuclear power-I should know, I've looked.
There aren't even any Seinfeld episodes floating around out there.And no website can substitute for a workout or even a walk in the park.
Admittedly, there's some pretty cool stuff out there. Without the Internet, I'd probably never have heard the PepsiMan jingle without a trip to Japan. I wouldn't have been able to translate Rammstein's German lyrics into readable English. I would've missed all of the season of South Park.
But computer geek though I may be, I sometimes wonder what the future would be like without computers.
Until then, though, I'm waiting to play catch with mine.
Update: The paper got re-recognized, this column was printed after all. It appeared in the first Northwestern Chronicle of Fall 1998-1999.
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