22 May 2008

stories that are short and tweet

Yesterday, on a tip from Scott, I checked out the first-ever Twitter-based fiction writing contest. Twitter, for the uninitiated, is a combination micro-blogging application and social-networking tool all rolled into one, but the significance is that all updates (dubbed 'tweets') are 140 characters or less. Thus the 140-character (no more, no less) story contest.

I'd written my entry fairly early, but having mulled the idea over some more, I wrote, well, some more*:

I found a time machine that only makes things younger. Spent the afternoon making burgers into veal. And then, well...now I need to grow up.
She was scared. Zombies attacking, and only with a lot of help were the houses made safe. But now mommy said that the neighbors were hungry.
She ran. He ran, pulled a gun, and sprayed bullets at her. She dove into the canal, and he swam after her. Was this a chase, or a triathlon?
Found a lamp in the antique store. Rubbed it, and a genie appeared. I wished I could understand what he was saying. It was "You get 1 wish".
I need to learn how to ride a motorcycle. I'd take lessons or talk to another owner, except the nearest one looks mad I'm stealing his bike.


* Only one entry per person, though. So the rest of these are just for fun. Then again, so's my "official" entry also, since I'm not going to win.

6 December 2005

excerpts from my forthcoming updated resume

One of these days I need to update my resume again*.

SkillsLunch. Both with co-workers and vendor representatives.

Paradigm Shifting.

AccomplishmentsShifted a record number of paradigms enabling spectacular Q3 returns. Needed to think back inside the box afterward to cool down.

Ended forward transmission of at least one forwarded email every week, if not more often.


* 'Again' may be too strong a word. I've generally entirely redone it every time, since I never seem to send it for the same sort of jobs more than once or twice.

3 December 2005

warning: dirty words words ahead

So we were up later than usual this evening, and things were already getting silly when Jessica found the following thread on the nest.

Before I continue, I think should warn you, the reader, that what follows below could be considered of an adult nature (yet it is totally immature) and I cannot in good conscience recommend that you read it. Feel free to scroll past all of this, and continue reading the more highbrow stuff I've written.

If you're still reading, that thread began with '410bride' writing:

Admittedly I have only played this drunk, but basically you take any movie title and substitute "vagina" for one of the words. Sometimes we end up cracking ourselves up, but like I said, usually alcohol is involved.

and then a list of many a clever title, including Three men and a vagina, My best friend's vagina, and The hunt for Red Vagina.

For a good ten minutes Jessica and I drew upon our reserves of silliness and my large movie collection* and came up with many a funny title. Then she went to bed and I thought the whole thing was over, but my brain kept coming up with more titles. Here follows a list of many of them, in the hopes that they stop bouncing around my head.

  • Rosemary's vagina, or better yet, Joe Gould's vagina**
  • Dirty rotten vaginas
  • The discreet charm of the vagina
  • Big deal on Vagina Street
  • Vaginas in the mist
  • Vagina on the moon
  • A vagina in the sun or A place in the vagina
  • Vaginabusters
  • Wag the vagina
  • All the president's vagina
  • Two by Michael Douglas: Romancing the vagina and The perfect vagina
  • The vaginas down under
  • Some like vagina hot
  • Vagina on the river Kwai
  • Deep blue vagina
  • Close encounters of the vagina kind
  • Big trouble in little vagina
  • Attack of the 50-foot vagina
  • The incredible shrinking vagina
  • Three by Pacino: Scent of a vagina, And vagina for all and Dog vagina afternoon
  • The secret lives of vaginas
  • The Spanish vagina or The vagina prisoner
  • Vagina of the living dead
  • Vaginas from a mall or Scenes from a vagina
  • Clash of the vaginas or Vagina of the titans
  • A boy and his vagina, or maybe Johnny got his vagina
  • A fistful of vaginas
  • The cook, the thief, his wife & her vagina
  • The vagina that wouldn't die
  • Vagina without a face or Fiend without a vagina
  • The incredible 2-headed vagina
  • The big red vagina
  • In the heat of the vagina and its sequel, They call me Mister Vagina
  • Joe versus the vagina

Having typed those up I'm certain still others will come to me, so mayble I'll add more in the comments. Feel free to join in, though bear in mind it's rather addictive.


* Which contains Snatch and The Abyss, among others.

** My favorite, I think.

17 November 2005

not dead yet

I do, in fact, still exist, and I haven't completely abandoned this site. For some reason I just haven't felt like writing lately, which does not portend well for my Nano novel.

On another note, I bought a nice new digital camera, an early Christmas present of sorts. It's a Canon A610, and I'm happy to find that gphoto is able to grab pictures off of it even though it doesn't directly support that exact model. Now I just need to wait for the knockoff lens adapters to appear on eBay.

7 September 2005

in the parlance of our times

It has come to my attention that the phrase "Suffice it to say," has become the new "Actually..."*.

Well, I actually just made that up. But I am seeing that phrase all over the place, and I don't recall encountering it so much in the recent past.

One movie in which I do not recall hearing the phrase is the intelligently written and enjoyable Life aquatic with Steve Zissou. I just watched it and rather liked it, I'd say.

I'd been looking forward to seeing it, despite not knowing much about it (and having missed it in the theaters altogether, I believe). My ignorance was somewhat self-imposed, as I wanted to have as fresh an experience of watching this as possible. I skipped over all but the most vague of reviews and ignored specifics from the few people who told me they'd seen it. The plot somehow still was revealed to me: There's this oceanographer, and this shark who eats his partner. It's a revenge story... but that's a rather broad outline, into which Wes Anderson added his laid-back story, set it in an imagined world where oceanographers are superstars, and populated it with his standard players (and a few notable additions). The production design merits a special mention, at least for the (half) ship with its obviously fake set construction and 'tricky camera moves'. The fact that these people inhabit such a fake environment somehow makes it all the more real, in a way I cannot explain. It's not the Max Fischer Players Do Cousteau, but I could see that used as a catchy pull quote or pitch line.

The reviews I read (about) were rather mixed. Some writers felt that Anderson had lost his edge, that intimate quirkiness that emanates through Bottle rocket through the Royal Tenenbaums, and that by embracing action sequences, albeit in an artificially static fashion, he was selling out or cashing in or falling prey to some other cliché that so easily pours forth from the reviewer's scornful pen.

Others thought it was too deep for a mainstream film (two water puns!), Anderson notwithstanding, and the artificiality and extreme characterization would be too imaginative and off-kilter for audiences to handle, since they'd undoubtedly be seeking shallower fare (three!).

This being a revenge picture, more or less, one can but wonder how one of Hollywood's staple action heroes might approach it. Charles Bronson, naturally, would be my first choice.

But this isn't an action movie. It's a character piece that just happens to have explosions and gunfights and other bits of excitement. Zissou isn't a man of action, he's just some guy who is still playing at his childhood ambitions after many a decade, but slowly realizing maybe he's just going through the motions.

It's ambitious and whimsical, neither at the expense of the other. The little touches (snappy dialogue, imaginative stop-motion sea-life) don't distract from the bigger picture. It's all worth seeing, and I look forward to watching it again.


* However I doubt that I will fall prey to this as I did to "Actually", since "Suffice it to say" is at the same time cumbersome and stuffy. It's the sort of think I think people throw in to sound more sophisticated, or to cover for a lack of proper transitions or background information. This is not to say that I don't succumb to those sorts of things; I'm just not going to use that phrase. Er, anymore.**** Of course I always omitted the "it" anyway. Silly me.

20 July 2005

in fact

I think I've begun to lapse into saying "actually" too much again. Perhaps I pad my words because I come up with little worth saying or writing lately.

Next up? "um"s and "like"s, methinks.